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5 Things I’ve Learned About Running a Business and Being a Mother
May 16, 2017
Baby of Mine - A Gift For My Son
December 1, 2016
The Tantric Path of… Public Speaking?
June 23, 2016
Everything I’ve created must be utterly, completely destroyed. I move, or end a significant relationship, close the doors on a business, or throw everything out of my closet.
I relish this destruction. It’s the only way to create anew in my life.
At the end of the day, the ultimate creatrix is also the consummate destroyer.
Our engagement party. Together, working hard, and distant.
This past month and a half has been a time of challenging demolition and whirlwind birthing. My relationship with my man is going through a period of serious upheaval. Two years ago, we made a commitment to support one another’s shining in the world. That was the context we set for our relationship. And we have done that in leaps and bounds. My work in the world is taking off. His work in the world is taking off. We are in magazines and we are speaking on stages. We are experiencing financial and business success. We are contributing and creating in the ways we have longed…ways that were but nuggets of our imagination when we first got together.
But we became work partners, not love partners. We talked only of work. We began to lose our spark. My heart ached. He did not know how to reach me.
After the intense last few months that led up to The School for The Well Spoken Woman LIVE! events this summer in San Francisco and NYC, I found myself looking at my home life and my love life with sadness and deep ache. And then, the demolition began.
I left home for nearly a month, not knowing if I would want to return.
Tears, frustration, longing and deep honesty began to pour forth.
How can I be in such full throttle action around my mission in my life and STILL feel connected and sensual with my man at home? What was I, what were we, doing wrong? What had we forgotten? What had we overlooked?
Beliefs and ways of being that had begun to run the show in my relationship were called into question. For years I have seen men as the providers in my life…I didn’t have full confidence I could provide for my own life financially or otherwise. This last year, all that changed. I discovered I have a gift that is of value to the world. I discovered I can truly care for my life financially and even be quite astute financially.
I have stepped into the role of provider for myself. And that changes things.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I can see men for who they truly are, not just through the lense of what they can give me. My sexuality has stopped being something I use to “get” something from men. Instead, it has become completely and totally my own…a true, beautiful expression of who I am and a gift.
As a result of this realization, my entire relationship – not only with David, but with men in general – has been going through an overhaul.
After weeks in Kauai and one unforgettable weeklong stint at Burning Man, I realized that it’s all going to require a whole other level of speaking up in my life. Speaking up about emotions and desires I’m scared to own. Speaking with greater authenticity. Speaking to my man as my MAN, not as my business partner or some ancient reflection of my father.
Just when I thought I was beginning to know a thing or two about sharing my voice with the world, I realized I’m only ever a student. I might be making a mark with my voice in the public realm, but I’m learning so deeply right now that I have much to learn about speaking up in the private realm.
Deep in love. Burning Man 2012.
The amazing news is that by some miracle, and with the help and support of our community of friends, David and I have “woken up” to one another. We are no longer asleep. We had an experience that had us see one another with fresh eyes, and – thank Goddess – we have fallen in love more deeply than ever. I feel a depth of devotion to this man that blows me away…it is a timeless, eternal love.
Summer is over. The pull that autumn brings to work and to create is coming on strong.The exploration now is how to do the dance between my functional/work life and my sacred life, and not to let my functional/work life bleed into the other. It’s an advanced art form, and I feel lucky to have so many friends I can learn from who are doing this dance themselves.
Starting today – September 10th – there is a program called Love Yourself Naked that I’m featured on. I’m speaking about TRUTH. Telling the truth – on the public stage, and in your private domain: what it takes, and how to turn your fear, resistance and self doubt into total freedom to speak up. I encourage you to listen, and to enjoy the entire series of powerful women speaking about living full, authentic, creative lives. It’s an incredible line up.
Here’s the link to sign up for free: http://videosummit.reneeheigel.com?ap_id=kcbaker
Also, I was featured in ORIGIN MAGAZINE this month as one of 60+ leaders creating positive transformation on the planet. Check it out at Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble, Rainbow Grocery, (and a few other venues I can’t quite remember).
Tell me: How can you speak up more fully in your private life? What needs to be said that you haven’t yet said?
Comment, Share, Tweet if inspired…
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KC – that was the most beautiful, honest, authentic blog post. Your gift is speaking up in the world. I feel I know you so well yet have never met you and that is through your gift of sharing yourself and true feelings with the rest of the world.
There is nothing more powerful and am forever in your debt for continuing to show me how.
Enjoy your man, you deserve the love.
Jennie x
Thank you so much, Jennie. You are all the way across the world from me, and we’ve never met, but I just have such a deep tenderness in my heart for you. That’s so the deep benefit of the work I do in helping write your talk…I get to know you and what you believe and your story quite intimately. Probably my favorite part of the work I do:)) Love, KC
KC, this: “Just when I thought I was beginning to know a thing or two about sharing my voice with the world, I realized I’m only ever a student” is such an important message for me, thank you!
I find that my business is only as successful as my relationship, so happy you are championing that here. xoxo Sarah
Sarah – that is absolutely what I’m seeing. Without my relationship being nourished, all the business success in the world means nothing to me. The joy of connection is so crucial. Love you.
Amazing KC!
Thank you for sharing your truth – being courageous and surrendering. You are so vital and wise to recognize the miracle and transformation individuals + relationships under go.
Wishing you + David patience, continued support and most of all – indispensable love.
Xx
Thank you, Leona — amazing how much courage it takes to surrender to love…
I deeply appreciate your blessing for me and David. Love,KC
KC, what a gorgeous post. Your honesty, humility and humanity just continue to deepen and ripen over time. It’s so remarkable. I look at the way you walk through the world and truly believe you are a beautiful and powerful role model for women and girls everywhere — you reflect authenticity, wholeness, and a healthy integration of the masculine and feminine. I look forward to doing a program with you soon. You are a bright bright light. xoxo
Wow – what an acknowledgement. Thank you!! So beautiful. xoxo KC
KC – you are such an inspiration and always say the exact right things at the time I need to hear it the most! Thank you for your constant authenticity — I cannot wait to hear more at Love Yourself Naked!
Thank you so much, Renee. I love that this is landing for you at the right time..and I’d love to hear more about what’s going on for you around this issue. Thank you for your support, not only of my messaging but also in helping my business grow. Warmest xxoo KC
Nicely done KC, I finally started my blog, with my 3rd post being picked up by Elephant Journal this week! I thank you for being one of the support angels in my life, helping me focus my thoughts and dreams to make this happen. Good luck on your journey I will watch and cheer you on from the sidelines.
Congratulations, Martha! Can you post the link to it here? An absolute joy working with you. And you’ve got some great juju around getting your message out. So proud of you.
Wow. For all of the great “on stage” speeches and such that you have given, which I have respected from afar in an intellectual way … THIS post feels like truly seeing you. This has honest heart. I appreciate you sharing this. I think this generation of women-on-the-rise are really struggling with this … how to we balance “making big things happen for ourselves” (b/c we’re finally realizing, thankfully, that we CAN!) with the feminine sacredness of personal, intimate relationship connection/commitment. There aren’t a lot of successful models out there yet, truthfully, of women pulling both off. Not b/c it can’t be done, but b/c things in the world are only just recently shifting and expanding enough to finally let it be done.
I think you’ve articulated something powerful here. And in doing so, open the door for more of us to be honest about where we are struggling or figuring things out similarly.
Thanks for being real. The world needs less people being their “best” and way more people being courageously REAL.
And thanks for having the courage to stand true to love. B/c it is easier to accept the challenge of “work”. That’s hard, but we can still feel in control of that in some way. Taking on the challenge of bold, true, transformative love, however … ahhh, well, that is all about the exquisite/excruciating letting go and surrendering of control.
I sincerely wish you love and courage as you continue to speak new levels of truth in both areas in your life.
Cris, Thank you for this gorgeous comment and reflection. I feel this dance…this deep desire we have as women to both relish our femininity and also rock it with our work, is the great exploration and frontier of our generation. Standing true to love, and diving deep, requires intense courage and devotion. I so appreciate everything you have said here. So spot on. Love you. KC
You know I’m all about TRUTH and your article completely touched my heart. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I can totally relate to the destruction and upheaval, as I’ve been going through the same thing this year. Love you beautiful lady!
KC, Wow! What an authentic powerful story! I love that you and David have woken up to each other. It’s amazing when these powerful shift and earthquakes happen. You might be right on the edge and then something that creates a gateway to something so much better in life.
You are such an eloquent visionary woman. Congratulations and I can feel the love between you two in that picture.
Tracy
KC. Thank you. So much for your realness. This is such a beautiful post and my heart resonates with yours in many ways. This touched me deeply. You are indeed visionary and I hope to one day be open and ready to SPEAK. I am still in fear…. but getting closer every day. Thank you for showing up.
Wow… Absolutely STUNNING, KC. How beautiful to get to know you more deeply… What a fierce heart you have, Sister! It brings me back to our original get-to-know-ya conversation that centered all around death and destruction… Kali’s in the house, y’all. 🙂 And hey… My Tantra Dance of Feminine Power reframed that for me recently… She said Kali was about ‘dissolving’. I found this fascinating! What a wonderful switcheroo from Destruction! All that to say… I feel you. Deeply. Thank you for sharing your journey so fearlessly… And congrats on the new awakenings in your relationship! xx
Hi there KC
I’m only just setting out on my public speaking journey, but already I know that it’s much easier to stand up and share my story with a room full of strangers than it is to fully speak my mind, bare my soul and expose my heart to my partner.
Thank you for this…it’s given me hope and much to think about.
With love,
Ang 🙂
KC
Thank you for a lovely, honest, soul-baring post. I know for me relationship has always been my cauldron for growth and soul-expression, but with that has come a lot of heart break and many tears. Bravo to you for being willing to sit in that place of not knowing and dive into that soft, vulnerable territory of the heart with a willingness to let it all go and step back from that Kali-like desire to burn it all down. And how appropriate that you come full circle at Burning Man! Love this post.
Wow, you are a total inspiration lady!
Thank you for this honest and important sharing, KC! I love that we are all ever students, and this blog and your voice speak to the heart of why that is the most beautiful part of it all. Keep on shining, and keep on speaking up, Beautiful woman! Blessings to you and your Love.
KC, your words are authentic and ring true for me completely. I have spoken up and shared my truth and that feels good. Now, I’m stuck on hurting my man…. your thoughts?
Thank you!
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