The Blog

Dedication:

I write this for any woman who has a deep calling to share her message & her work with the world, yet feels that she has to “back off” once she becomes pregnant and begins the journey into motherhood.

I am and have been such a woman these last  7 months.

It has been utterly daunting, even tormenting at times, feeling torn between two such great loves in my life…. not knowing how on earth I can do both fully.

I want to share with you what I’ve learned, and what has transpired, which is nothing less than miraculous in my eyes, as I have become a different woman in relationship to my work and more successful as a result. The wisdom I’ve gleaned has been hard earned, and I feel I would be remiss – nor would my integration of it be truly complete – without passing it on.

Here’s where the story begins:

Last January 2013, I began having dreams. Dreams of being pregnant, of giving birth, and radically, endlessly falling in love with this little being in my arms.

At that time, my fiancé David and I had a very clear “plan” of when we would start trying to have children. We would get married October 2013 in a big fancy wedding in San Francisco (no longer happening like that…thank goodness), and start trying to have a baby after the wedding. Strategically, so we thought, this would give us another year to really go for it in our businesses and build even more structure and stability for ourselves as parents.

 Alas, the Divine has other such plans.

The dreams shook me. They called me. The memory of them would not leave me alone.

I shared about the dreams with my dear friend Alisa Vitti, founder of Flo Living and author of Woman Code.

KC & Alisa – The 2012 School for The Well Spoken Woman LIVE

I cried over my tea at Samovar Tea Lounge as she lovingly reminded me – as true friends do – of my deep devotion to following the wisdom of my body & soul in this life. What she said rang true to my core.  I knew I was being prepared from the beyond to begin my journey of becoming a mother and all the unknown that entails.

David on the other hand wasn’t so easy to convince. He wanted deeply to be a father – he always has – but was worried about the timing. Many late night discussions ensued.

However, on a beautiful late afternoon snowshoe hike in Tahoe at the end of January, with the full moon peaking over the hills, we had a moment of clear recognition that this was the time. This being was ready to come in. We cried with happiness realizing the simple truth that we too were ready. We felt profound bliss and love, and simply said yes to welcoming this child into our lives.

Not long there after, David bought me a pregnancy test for Valentines Day, and we had a total joy freak out when it came back positive.

I’ve heard people (mostly my mom) say that until you have children, you can’t possibly know or understand the love. My baby is not due until this fall, but even the knowing that I am carrying this little one inside of me and the connection we have forged thus far has burst my heart open into a realm of love that is beyond anything I’ve ever known.

It is a love that has brought me incredible strength to face some things that I have been utterly resistant to or scared to face for years… all because of my fierce desire to be both totally present for my child, and to also have my mission and work carry on in the world.

However, these two things – caring for my child in the way I want & carrying forth with my mission and my work – felt desperately at odds the deeper I got into my pregnancy.

Right before I got pregnant, I had begun organizing and planning a large scale launch of a new online training program called The Women’s Thought Leadership Society and an in-person training event called The Public Speaking Soiree.

For any one who has ever done an internet marketing launch as a solo-preneur, you probably understand the intensity of what I’m speaking of here.

For anyone who has not, let me just say that it is an endeavor that most often requires enormous hours at the computer, tons of deadlines, lots of technical and design pieces, and a big unknown as to how people will respond to it, especially if the program is being done for the first time.

There are lots of moving parts and can be a pretty massive undertaking.

My relationship to my last launch the year prior was one where I drove and directed the whole thing, with a great support team. I was the Warrioress. I had my eyes on managing every detail. I directed everything. My life was consumed by it. I lived under enormous stress wondering if people would show up (which they did) and if it would be a success for them (which it was). But the stress and anxiety nearly did me in. I went to the emergency room twice for phantom, intense lower back pain during that time. My relationship nearly went kaput. To say it was rough is to put it mildly.

And so here I was, newly pregnant, exhausted, pretty nauseous, and wanting so much just to cook and nurture and rest and be in nature…and yet I had a full scale launch going on.

I didn’t have the option financially to not put on a training program, and so I found myself staring who I am when I work and run my business straight in the face.

I realized: I could not continue on as this mega driven, director-of-everything, stressed out business woman during these launches. I cannot carry the weight of the worry. I knew it would negatively impact me and my baby, and make my life utterly miserable.

This was further highlighted for me the day David sat me down to give me some tough truth. With the deep kindness that runs through this man and a great deal of love mixed with concern and fear in his eyes, he told me that he felt I had an addiction to worry. He felt I relied on it to propel me through my launches and my programs, even with all the inspiration and love that called me so deeply to my work. And he was concerned too for my well being and our little one, now during pregnancy and later in how I would be as a mother.

This hit deep and hard. And it rang true.

But how do I do things differently? How can I get things done without micro-managing everything?

If I didn’t worry, what other energy could possibly be effective in “getting things done”?

I didn’t know another way, and I was scared that without it, I would lose a very essential ingredient behind my success.

On March 3^rd, I woke up after another night of crying, stressed to the max about my launch, and hating the fact that I was working in my kitchen in my tiny little cottage in foggy, rainy Sausalito. I longed for nature. I needed to be in a more nurturing place in order to finish this launch and nurture myself and my baby in the ways I longed.

So, I bought a one way ticket that day to Sedona and ended up staying there for a month and a half.

As is the nature of Sedona in my life, I arrived and immediately began receiving insights and teachings about how to do this all differently, or rather, how to BE in the midst of it all.

I met a wise woman one day and shared with her about my tendency to worry. I was micro-managing my team (even though I had brought on a launch manager for the first time to take over and lead) and I felt the weight of concern about whether women would like what I had to offer or not, whether they would join me in my course or not. I was carrying it all like a million pound boulder.

This wise woman looked at me and said, “You need to learn to turn it over.” And I knew she meant more than just turn it over to my team. She meant, turn it over to the Divine.

From that day forward, I began a practice that has since transformed my life, my relationship to my work, and ultimately my relationship to the Divine.

In the moments I was able to become aware that I was stressing and worrying about the success of the launch –  if my team would follow through, how women would respond to my offer or to the course – I would close my eyes, and simply say,

“I cannot carry this worry. Please take this. I turn it over into your loving hands.”

Immediately, the worry would lift. 

And it continues to: Every. Single. Time.

In these moments, I find that I feel an easy yet profound loving connection and surrender to what I can only call the Source of Love. 

It is the ultimate reality check that I am not alone, and that life is truly benevolent. 

Instead of my fear that peace would leave me with no energy or “drive” to get things done, instead I find myself inspired and able to take action from a place of serenity, and often, joy.

In my experience, this Love is beautifully feminine in nature. I have known and connected to this Love in so many other ways in my life, but never before have I invited it in to truly run the show in my work and my life. Stress and worry, pushing and driving have been my go-tos, my gods. They are what I learned from my parents about how to get things done. They are what I saw all around me in my schooling, my corporate investment banking analyst career, and in so much of my fellow entrepreneur friends. It’s all I’ve known.

But not any more.

The Serenity Prayer

I recall being a young girl when my family got very involved in 12 Step Programs. There was a prayer that they said all the time and printed on the back of these little medallions that they gave as gifts or sacred tokens. I remember thinking it was pretty corny and I didn’t really get why it was so powerful. Now, I know. It’s a life saver. Truly.

Here is the prayer they taught us:

God, grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer is perhaps the best business and life advice I have ever received. It took me two decades to understand it’s power, and wow, it is powerful.

Here’s the deal:

You’ve got to know what you actually have the power to change and have control of, and what you don’t.

Discerning that is indeed a matter of life experience and wisdom.

For the things you can change, may we all have a powerful source of courage within us to go for it fully, and bring our full intelligence, energy and wisdom to it.

And for the things we can’t, may we all come to know and see that there is a force of Love that is so benevolent and ready to take our worries and stress from us so that we can live in the flow of clarity, inspiration and happiness that is our birthright.

A Glimpse Into My Serenity Practice 

Each morning during the launch this spring in Sedona, I would get up and dance or exercise, as is my ritual, and then I would sit and think about what was stressing me out or what I was worried about. Many of them were things I simply could not control, like if people would like my program, sign up, what they would feel about it. If my team would follow through on the things they said they would.

Many of them were things I could control, like deciding on the designs for my workbooks, or needing to write the content for them. I felt worry around all of it.

And so, I would sit there and allow these thoughts and the worry to emerge, and then I would bow my head and say the magical words, “I cannot carry this worry. Please take this. I turn it over into your loving hands.” Sometimes tears of relief would flow. Sometimes my heart would burst open in joy. Every time, I found salvation. Every time, I found freedom and a re-awakening to the Source of Love that is here. 

This allowed me to make wise, inspired decisions in my work.

This allowed me to turn more and more over to my team and to feel trust.

This allowed me to feel the spaciousness and ease to nurture my body and my baby in the ways I was longing to…to cook, to take peaceful walks, to feel serenity in my space.

This allowed the flow of love in my relationship to thrive more fully than ever before.

And as it turns out, the launch was the most successful, far reaching program I’ve offered to date, with countless success stories and profound transformations for the women who participated.

The Transformation

In May and June, I got to put my new serenity skills and trust of my team to the test again with the launch of my speechwriting course, Speak Up for Your Business. Not only was it another full scale launch, but I was moving from Sausalito to Sedona to our new home, I had to let someone on my team go, and my main right hand woman in my business, Stacey, had to bow out for a good portion of that launch because her father became very ill. Thankfully, blessedly, my launch manager, Chrissie, took the reigns, trained a new VA to head our customer care, social media and variety of other tasks for the launch, and managed all our other contractors and the flow of the launch with brilliance and efficient grace.

I kept my silent serenity practice in my pocket, whipping it out whenever fear or worry would arise during this time of business growth and total life re-arrangement.

The result: the second launch of the year and the program was a beautiful success. We moved into a home that is beyond our wildest dreams. I felt – and feel – deeply connected to my baby and my man.

Most of all, my relationship to the experience of my launch was totally transformed. It was pretty darn easeful. I felt a deep sense of trust that the women I was meant to serve would come forth, and they did.  I surrendered more fully to the wisdom and intelligence of my team.

Going Forward

In Love with My Family

Now, I have a strong team and two solid, highly impactful programs that I can run next year after my baby is born with minimal management on my part. I’m taking several months off to fully be with my little one, and by middle of next year, my team will begin rolling out both programs.

None of this would have been possible if I had not sought to transform my relationship with my work from one of driving worry to one of surrender and trust.

And none of THAT would have been possible without the inspiration from this little one currently living in my womb to live more fully in my feminine energy and open to the flow of nurturing and love that is pulsing stronger than ever inside of me.

It’s an every day practice, this transformation of worry to serenity.

It’s one I come to quite humbled again and again, for the tendency to worry runs deep in me.

 I am finding that – indeed, in serenity and presence – I experience more success in my work in the world rather than less. That was my fear: that if I let go of worry and the need to control everything, perhaps my life and work would collapse. Who would I be without worry and being the consummate micromanager??

Turns out, I’m happier.  I’m a better businesswoman. I’m more fully able to take care of myself and my little one inside. I’m a more loving partner. I’m alive and connected to the Divine.

My Message to You

And so my friends, my message here today is that instead of motherhood being something that pulls us away from our work & mission in the world, perhaps it is actually the very thing that will inspire this emerging generation of women leaders to lead and work from a new center:

the power of the feminine love within us.   

Instead of thinking our work and our mothering are at odds, perhaps our impulse to mother can inform and shift how we work, so we can more fully, effectively, & healthfully do both.

Perhaps the very necessary practice of surrendering what we cannot control, instead of hard driving everything by our will, will actually help us to become better leaders, instead of micromanagers.

Perhaps it will help us to have our message reach more people, because we have lessened our grip on the need to control how others respond to what we say and what we offer to the world.

My hope is that my story will serve you in your quest to “lean in,” as Sheryl Sandberg says – to not step away from your work & mission in life, but rather, because of the call within us as mothers to nurture ourselves and our loved ones, that we learn instead to live into our work with greater intelligence and a deeper connection to the true source of feminine creativity, love and power that lives within us all.

To you and your voice
with so much love,

KC

PS – As part of my ongoing devotion to supporting women in getting their messages out into the world, I am launching The Seen & Heard Mastermind: A fabulously fun way to land speaking engagements. It’s for only 30 women and is by application only.

Getting clear on your message and crafting a talk is one thing…getting out there and making sure people hear it is another. I’m so excited for this program. We’re going to have a ball getting these women movers & shakers out there to speak. Visit this link for more details and to apply. xxoo KC